The Secret to Happiness Is.....

Low expectations!

That's right. Keep your expectations low and you will be happy with whatever you can get. According to this article (http//:freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/01/09/the-secret-to-happiness/), this is a long-held secret of the Danish people and now it's found its way across the Atlantic to the US. Admittedly, the Danes are in a better position to KEEP their expectations low. Denmark is a country of 5.5 million people, of whom, 90.9% are 100% Danish, (therefore, there's no need for an Affirmative Action equivalent). They are also a Monarchy and have been forever, so the people are accustomed to having decisions made for them and therefore feel little pressure, I'd imagine, to become overly invested in matters of State. There is also relatively little wage disparity and education is free for all citizens, virtually eliminating crime, greed and corrupt ambition. Even Oprah said that, "a simple life and strong social system make Denmark one of the best places on Earth to live."

Would that I were Danish.

But, I'm an American. America, a country with vast wage disparity, overpriced-underfunded education and a legacy of "boot straps" founders. A country where ambition is admired but also where complacency is tolerated. A country of great diversity where opportunity is limitless and wealth is encouraged. A country where hard work and perseverance are the keys to success and achievement. A country where everyone's expectations are too high, including mine.

I recently talked to a family member who informed me that I should start adjusting to the idea that I will never achieve much more than a comfortable life. I will probably never find a long-term career that will actualize my potential, I will probably never make enough money to have a family of any size, and I will probably always be haunted by my early employment because it will portray me as a liberal-leftest-opportunistic-female-liability. Great. Now they tell me.

The truth is, I agree with the Danes. It IS about keeping your expectations low--but not ALL of your expectations. It's about being okay with the fact that you may never be a CEO or President of anything, but it's not about being okay with the idea that you shouldn't still strive for the things you want. I can accept a bad economy and some tough breaks, but I also know that there are still ways that I can feel successful and capable within a broken system. Part of what makes the Danes happy with their lot (besides the astronomical wealth most enjoy compared to the rest of the world), is a healthy attitude about family, recreation and education. They travel, they enjoy culture and art, they embrace leisure and they take pride in who they are and where they come from.

Very few people can derive all of their necessary reward from their occupation. Where Americans have gone wrong is that we've let all of the other parts of a happy foundation fall to a lower status, in pursuit of money and status. We have strained marriages, struggling parents, loose family affiliations, weak ties to faith/spirituality, and our internal directional compases are confused. We expect so much of ourselves and others around us that we can't help but find disappointment everywhere we look.

There is no "Secret to Happiness". Maybe it's a combination of expectations and achievement. Maybe it's faith and purpose. Maybe it's fulfillment and foundation. Regardless, it's a state of mind and the only way we adjust that is internally. I've found it through a greater appreciation of all of the things in my life that have NOTHING to do with my career.

The Job Hunt

When I ended my last long-term employment in November of 2008, I imagined it would be a struggle to keep the job opportunities at bay long enough to recover from the campaign I'd just finished and get through the Holidays job-free. I'd been working seven days a week for a year straight and I was burned out--not eager to jump into the next thing.

This plan sustained me through a fabulous post-campaign vacation to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I stayed at a spa, treated myself to massages and facials, nice dinners and relaxation, and generally lived the glamorous lifestyle I wished I'd been born to. There is nothing like donning a super-plush terrycloth robe and padding down to a serene spa pool, overlooking the mountains and while sipping herbal tea while new-age instrumental music streams through invisible speakers, to make you feel like a million fucking bucks. (And as a percentage of my income, that's about what I spent, by the way.) But, talk about seductive!

I returned and within weeks, heavily-alcoholic circumstances dictated that my husband of less than a year and I separate. This was the beginning of the "Dark Phase". I lost my shit. I cast aside my plans to hold out on a new job through the Holidays in light of my impending terror over the bills I was about to inherit. As I started searching, I repeatedly ran up against this wall where no cover letter or reference or recommendation or referral could get me a single lousy interview. Unfortunately, I'm best in person. On paper, I look like a crazy left-leaning, over-indulged, nepotism-benefiting, hippie. I had half a Master's, and despite having gone to what Forbes has now deemed the 22nd best college in the country, I was unemployable.

Over and over again I read, "At least five years experience in related field"..."MSW or MA preferred"..."JD required"....and these were for jobs grabbing someone's coffee or sorting the mail! Jobs that friends of mine had done in high school now required Master's degrees but preferred doctorates. I was told repeatedly that I was "overqualified" for the jobs to which I was applying but in my desperation I actually told a woman in HR for a law firm that I was , "willing to take that risk." I was also seeking any escape from my personal life which had utterly collapsed so I applied for jobs in places like Duluth and Elk River. Worse, I actually entertained the idea of moving to these places to TAKE said shitty receptionist jobs. And so it went....all through December. I went from Tetons and tea tree oil to TLC and terror.

The Birth of an LoL

At twenty-seven and ten months, I have an adoring and adored man, a fabulous job that challenges me and helps others, and a charming old house with a wrap around porch. I come home and make dinner before settling in to pour over a great book or some unfinished work. Or, my man and I say "screw it" and go out to some neighborhood favorite where we drink too much for a weeknight but talk about our days and our lives and the life we want. In my spare time, I recreate outdoors, sing with a jazz quartet and see my friends for wine and discussions about life and love and goals and vacations we'd like to take.

This was how it was supposed to be: but it's not.

I thought I did everything right. I worked hard through high school to go to a great college. I did well at a great college so that the world would be my oyster. Then I moved far away to try my luck in a new place with new opportunities and to take advantage of the momentum I had as I was launched into the "real world." But I failed. Well, I kind of failed.

Despite my best efforts and a work ethic I honestly didn't know I had, I graduated five years ago and since that time, I've yet to truly make it. I found my way into campaigns, which, I admit, have an inherently short shelf life and offer very little in the way of job security. But, I worked hard and worked well and still I'm not where I'd like to be.

I've got a failed marriage. All of that jet-setting, campaign-focused, single-minded tenacity and a person who theoretically should've fit right in, didn't shield me from the reality of my situation which is that I'd been too busy to notice that the person I married had an addiction problem.

I've been a renter for going on six years and still I'm not really in a position to buy a home. For whatever reason, the banks seem to frown upon people who change jobs every sixteen months and they really don't like people who's occupation is dependent on a vote.

So this is where I am. Overqualified, underemployed and underwhelmed. But, the brilliant thing about having months of time without a job to get in the way of life, is that I discovered a new way of living and one I think has merit and application beyond just those women who got the life I imagined for myself someday. I found myself wondering, who WERE these women I'd see out in the middle of the day, shopping, lunching, having coffee and wandering childless through galleries and into movies? Who were these ladies of leisure and how did they do it? What gave them incentive to get out of bed in the morning? Where was their purpose? Could I really be one of them?

This blog is going to be all about the last nine months of my life and the glamorous, insane, fun and heartbreaking things I did as an unemployed woman of some meager means....this will be about my birth as a Modern Lady of Leisure.